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[sticky post]2013 edition
anonfeedback
☃ ❄ END OF YEAR FEEDBACK MEME ❄ ☃
adapted from here.

Time to spread some holiday cheer in the form of feedback for authors!

Writers: Leave a comment with your username or writing journal. You must be logged in. All usernames posted by anonymous users will be deleted. Be prepared to handle crit!

Commenters: anonymously or unanonymously reply to their threads with comments on their writing, positive or with suggestions or everything in between. No drama, no excess bashing, especially not on personalities, etc.

Suggestions for leaving (and taking) constructive criticism:
Keep it in first person. "I find it difficult to read your story because of the many spelling errors" is a fact which nobody can disagree with. "You need to fix your many spelling errors" is just asking for a kneejerk "no I don't".

Getting bad reviews? Sit on your hands for 24 hours. No matter how badly you want to snap back. At the end of that time, take what's useful and ignore the rest. If there was anything useful, thank the reviewer for it. "Useful" might well include "I loved this" - it doesn't have to be detailed critique. But it doesn't include "You suck."
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The idea is to build on what the writers are doing well, not just correct what they're having trouble with. If there's something you loved - tell them! Otherwise the good bits may end up on the cutting-room floor.

Feel free to make suggestions for what you might have done differently, had you been writing the story, but explain your reasons. Even if the writers still prefer their original versions, it may help them evaluate the choices they made.

Always be aware that we are discussing the work, not the writer as a person. However, this is not a literature class or a book group - the author is part of the conversation, and is probably quite attached to their work and their words.
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Remember that constructive criticism is meant to encourage writers as opposed to discouraging them.

 

Link to your thread with the code below.


To sum it up: anonymous commenting is on, don't be rude, and have fun! Mod post is located here.

ETA: the link in the code above is fixed! thanks for pointing it out!

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i think all in all your writing is good, but you need to find a balance between showing and telling.

Hi anon! I hope you don't mind when I ask, but what do you mean exactly? And do you maybe have an idea how I could do that :) Thanks so much! :)

here's an example:

"Baekhyun is rummaging through the things in the attic of the Kim Household when she spots an old treasure chest in the corner of the room."


while the picture you've painted in your reader's mind is clear and crisp, it sounds a bit rigid. each sentence has to advance the plot AND add character to your character. an example of a workaround is this:

"Wow."

Baekhyun grumbles as she ganders at the chaos of things in the attic — a few unopened boxes here, some paper bags there, Joonmyun and Jongdae written all over the mess. She goes through a list of reasons why she shouldn't berate Jongdae for leaving this mess to her until she spots a treasure chest in the corner of the room, noticeably clean despite the dust covering everything in sight.


you've provided a bit of insight to baekhyun, jongdae, and joonmyun's characters and, at the same time, showed the readers that hey, baekhyun's going through the mess in suchen's attic. she doesn't like it.



here's another example:

Chanyeol bolts upright from his bed. He's sweating all over, leaving his shirt completely drenched. He's gasping and panting for air and he's feeling slightly disoriented. He takes in his surroundings and begins to mutter realities in his life.


i've also noticed that you have a penchant for using the progressive tense. as much as possible, stick to the simple present tense; it's cleaner, more crisp, and provides more rhythm to the sentence.

a possible workaround is this:

Chanyeol bolts from his bed, sweat tracing the frame of his face. His shirt sticks to his skin. It's cold and he's shivering and he's gasping for air, and it takes a minute, maybe even more, for things to come to full focus.

He clenches his fists and takes a look around. He takes a deep breath and parts his lips, prepared to say a mantra to calm himself down, to snap him back to reality and lull him to a more peaceful slumber.



i understand that it might not be your cup of tea, but too much telling (he does this. he does that. this is what happens, and this is how he reacts.) tends to get jarring after a while. try to add bits and pieces of showing. a good pattern to follow can be "he does this, and this is how he wants to react. this is his body's response, but at the back of his mind something else is happening. but he decides to go with this reaction."

i hope that made sense? ^^;;

Thank you so much anon! I've actually been trying to work around this too and your insight definitely helped! Thank you for that tip on simple present tense ;____; I actually didn't know what to do with my progressive tense (didn't even know what it was called (cries a river)) THANK YOU!!!!

I've read almost all your fics (I think there are two or three fics left that I haven't read yet LOL) and I observed how proper and organized your stories are. Finely plotted out long pieces, for example is the BOF!AU. But you do know what's always been my fave among all your fics-- the At First Glance (although I painted a picture of you and a guy in my head instead of KyuMin LMAO), and the Je T'Aime. Why? Because OTPs. LOLJK. Because the stories are very well done, it's like I'm playing a movie in my head. All Over Again's also on the top of my list; it's like one of the best KyuMin fics I've read.

Keep on writing stories. Feed us more OTL. And I'm not forgetting the thing you said/tweeted about writing a KyuMin for Christmas hehehehehe.

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